Moving forward....moving forward. To say those two words seem like it should be such a simple thing to do. Something that I could do with great ease. Yet the baggage and hurts of the past have such a grip on me. A grip that that went deeper than I realized. A grip that seeped into areas of my life I couldn't see. It had made me less of a mom. Less of a wife. Less of the child of God I was meant to be.
I was master at being able to come up with a reason, a excuse to make my behavior or way of thinking ok. That it was ok to not allow myself to fully open up to the ones most important to me. I could rationalize why it was ok to take my emotions out on those around me. Even thought they did not deserve it at all. Looking back I can see that they got the worst of me more than they got a glimpse of the good.
Ha never realized I hadn't fully opened up and let my walls down to the man I loved. Th man who ha been my best friend since the second grade an my one safe place I ever knew. That I never leather my walls down with my kids or even with God. Because in my world all horse around you are eventually at some point going to turn against you, hurt you and leave you and all the broken pieces behind.
As I've been learning and growing I've been able to see how I've been. If been able to tear down walls with my kids, my husband and most important with God. As the walls have been coming falling block by block they've been replaced with loving joy. Joy from an even stronger and closer marriage than it was before. Joy from kids I fully enjoy an love on an even deeper level. The holy joy you get from an all loving God that I am now able to see, hear and feel more daily.
I am truly a work in progress. A work in progress that most days is moving forward. Unfortunately I have days where it seems no matter what I do can he going forward. But I know that the path will always be corrected I I am open and looking forward towards God and not back at the past.
On My Journey
Kate
Ha never realized I hadn't fully opened up and let my walls down to the man I loved. Th man who ha been my best friend since the second grade an my one safe place I ever knew. That I never leather my walls down with my kids or even with God. Because in my world all horse around you are eventually at some point going to turn against you, hurt you and leave you and all the broken pieces behind.
As I've been learning and growing I've been able to see how I've been. If been able to tear down walls with my kids, my husband and most important with God. As the walls have been coming falling block by block they've been replaced with loving joy. Joy from an even stronger and closer marriage than it was before. Joy from kids I fully enjoy an love on an even deeper level. The holy joy you get from an all loving God that I am now able to see, hear and feel more daily.
I am truly a work in progress. A work in progress that most days is moving forward. Unfortunately I have days where it seems no matter what I do can he going forward. But I know that the path will always be corrected I I am open and looking forward towards God and not back at the past.
On My Journey
Kate
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