I'd say my story of my journey to surrendering starts a few months back. We were led to leave our church and go to one with more focus on children's ministry. Once we had started to our new church I expected a time of adjustment. I just didn't realize how it would break my spirit. As time went on my kids loved it, my husband had been asked to play the drums for the praise band. Everyone was finding their place in our new church. Everyone but me. I was still floating along wilting in the solitude of the absence of friends.
Living in the country, homeschooling and being a farm wife are isolating on their own. And now this. I just didn't get what God's plan was. I prayed daily for a friend, to find my place. I prayed desperately for friendships with the ladies there.
Finally one morning I had reached my end. The tears could not be held back anymore. Like river of hurt and rejection flowing from my eyes. All the pain I had kept in for so long was released. I really just let everything out. And I prayed asking why I couldn't just fit in and make friends. I felt so lost.
And then I realized. The friend I had been praying for desperately seeking was there all along. My friend had been hearing all my thoughts, pains and wishes. He was always there just waiting for me to realize he was there. Offering unfailing love. Offering all that I was needing to be happy.
It was a sad morning that started the change in me. I no longer felt completely lost. As for church, well its still the same. But the difference is that I'm not. I'm OK with being the loner. Because I already have the best friend a girl could ask for. All I had to do was start the journey of surrendering to find him. We all have the most amazing best friend if we look for him. Our Father in heaven wants us and that's all that matters.
Enjoying my best friend
Kate
Love your heart Katie :) Praying for you to find all the friendship you need in Christ, but also for him to send a huggable friend your way that you can sprinkle some awesomeness and glitter on!
ReplyDeleteSarah Travis
I just love you Sarah!! Your so sweet :)
ReplyDeleteI can relate to what you are saying! Just moved to a new town and have yet to find a friend that I can hang out with in person. Fortunately, we share the same best friend in Jesus and we can be friends within our OBS circle. I'll pray that we both find that "meet for lunch in town" friend :) Blessings, Jennifer
ReplyDeleteThis is sooooooooooooo me. EXACTLY! I never feel like I fit in. OH my. Praying for you! I understand. It something the enemy has a stronghold on us because we need face to face fellowship with women! I need it too! Now, that I feel led to homeschool (which is super unpopular here) it is even worse. But I have come to slowly realize that it is my own self-doubts and self-pity as to why I feel I can't fit in... It is my lack in confidence in my identitiy of Christ and I did not realize that until JUST AT THIS MOMENT!
ReplyDeleteKristy Aiken OBS Team Leader
Katie, I'm so glad you found the best friend on this planet. I wish you lived closer and we could go to church together. I'll next praying for you to find where you fit in at your church. If God led you there, then He most certainly has a plan for you there. Keep believing and being the beautiful soul that you are and He will bring the right friends along for you. Love you!
ReplyDeleteKatie,
ReplyDeleteI so love this! I pray that God will bless you with the friends that you so well deserve. God is our best friend and He is always there to guide us, lead us and comfort us always no matter what we are facing. Keep blogging away- I love it!! Love you♥
Thank you girls so much!! It means the WORLD to me for your support!! Just love you guys so much!! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for exposing your fears and sadness to us, Katie. It is feeling that so many of us share with you. Even when we are in a season of being surrounded by friends, we can feel lonely and isolated. We are to be filled with our King first and foremost, and I am so glad you found Him right there in your midst.
ReplyDeleteFrom one country-living homeschooling momma to another - I get it. We moved to the country 10 years ago. The first few were very lonely-there was no one. (that was when my husband encouraged me to enter the blogging world) We visited churches "everywhere" and couldn't find a place to settle. Finally 5 years ago, we found our roots, it's not in our community, but it's less than 30 minutes away. My son took violin lessons in town for about a year so we got to know many of the merchants that way. We're still not "in" that doesn't happen for a couple of generations, but we're not alone anymore either. Praying that God will send some wonderful friendships your way.
ReplyDeleteHi Kate, you are so not alone in this! OBS has been such a blessing to me in this regard, but yes, I too still pray for those in person connections. Thanking God with you today for His #priceless friendship. Finding that certainly makes all the difference in the world. Praying for you too to find some in person connections with other women as well.
ReplyDeleteKatrina Wylie (FB small group leader)
You girls are so sweet!! You just fill me with love!
ReplyDeleteKate that was so lovely. It is so good to know that indeed we are not alone. I do pray that our Lord will bring that perfect friend for you. In the meantime, it must be a blessing to see your children and husband flourishing in this new church home. Thank you for sharing your story today.
ReplyDelete