Awesomeness & Glitter

  Why do I have no confidence in myself when I am not in the safety of my home?  At church, no confidence. At the grocery store, no confidence. Shopping, again no confidence. Yet when I'm safe at home, in my own four walls that are so familiar, so warm and comforting I blossom and come alive. Home is where I become and outgoing dork full of the " awesome gene". I spout comments like " I'm not crazy, I was dropped in a pool of awesomeness and glitter as a child".  And yes there are times I appear to have soaked in that pool for far too long. Like when I start a water fight in the kitchen, or start a rotten tomato fight in the garden with the kids. 

  Yet when I go out around others who don't know me very well or at all I shrink. I retreat back into the darkness of thoughts of how the people are probably judging me. Or they think my kids are undisciplined. Possibly that I'm an oddball since I Homeschool and no one around here does. I feel that since I'm a stay at home, homeschooling mom that I easily stand out for judgment from others who don't know me. 

  And then I get back home. Safe. And all the world disappears. I'm back to my haven. My place of openly crazy happiness where Nerf guns are used to shoot ornaments hanging from the ceiling at Christmas. Where family gathers for bible time and prayers are said around the table before meals from youngest to oldest. And a two year olds prayers can get amusing. 

  Why can't I let the world See the pool of awesomeness and glitter that I'm soaking in, that is being continually filled by Jesus?  Why can't I just let people see me for me and not care what they think or how they feel I should be living? So many questions and yet I know where to go for my answers. If I'm willing to do the work and put in the time I can come out the other side fully willing to show all who I truly am and so can you!!

Soaking in Awesomeness & Glitter
  Kate